Once, there was someone I knew,
Someone I used to be,
Empty, stained and lost
Empty because I felt a lack in my soul
A lack of something that was meant to fill me
I didn’t know what or who I lacked
So I danced through life an empty shell
Cognizant of my emptiness
Conscious of the deep gaping hole on my soul.
Stained because I felt a dirtiness in my spirit
I didn’t understand why I felt this way
But I knew that my spirit was dyed brown with stains
It made me run from myself
It made me distract myself from my spirit’s wailing
I chose to run, I chose to flee for my spirit was stained
My spirit knew this and wailed constantly in my ears
But I was too cowardly to face my spirit
So I ran.
Lost because I felt listless
I was overwhelmed by a sense of apathy about life
Life should be something that I gratefully and jealously guarded
But I could not summon energy enough to care for life
Most times I felt like my life was going round in a pointlessly, never ending cycle
I didn’t want to feel lost
I wanted to cherish and guard my life like others around me did
But I didn’t see or understand the point of guarding my life
Since all of mankind was destined to the same fate, the same cycle
You are born, you live a few years and then in death, you slip into nothingness
I lacked hope.
As I danced to the tune of fate’s melody
I was aware of something or someone dancing after me, mirroring my steps
I probably should have turned around sooner and asked him what He wanted
But a part of me was scared and also stuck in my tune
So I picked up the pace and danced faster through life
But I was aware that even though I ran
He followed after me
Creating a longing in my soul for more.
After dancing to the tune of fate’s melody for twenty five years
I was even further away from myself
As I celebrated my twenty fifth year on earth
I realized with a sense of melancholy that I was still as empty, stained and lost as I was in the beginning
Instead of feeling a sense of joy at my new age
I felt a wave of depression rush over me
Wanting to choke me down into the depths of its waters
I knew then that I needed help
I needed something outside of myself to pull me out of depression’s depths
My soul whispered to me of that man who danced after me
I turned to run into Him
He caught me up in His arms and I fell into the sweetest embrace
My heart seemed to beat faster
As floods of tears escaped from my soul
I wept out, loudly
He wiped my tears tenderly with His pierced palms
And gently whispered His love
Then He washed my spirit with His blood, removing the stains that once weighed me down
This man, filled the gaping hole in my soul with Himself
And I felt full
He washed away the eerie stains in my spirit with His blood
And I felt clean
He replaced my sense of hopelessness with hope
I found hope for myself and my world in Him
I knew then what I must do
I knew that I must completely surrender my three kingdoms to Him
So that the springs of living water that now flowed in me
Could also flow into the lives of others
And so I ran to His presence and screamed, <HERE I AM LORD, SEND ME>
“Each man is a little empire of 3 kingdoms; body, soul and spirit, and it should be a united kingdom, make Christ king of it all, do not allow any branch of those 3 kingdoms to set itself up for a distinct rule, put them all under the rule of the One King.” – Charles Spurgeon.
“Jesus Christ has a plan for history and He directs the path of human events towards that designed fulfillment, our lives are not given over to blind fate, to random meaninglessness, to endless cycles without any resolution.” – David Guzik.
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